Time for a little blogging therapy, a little random stream of consciousness on getting ready for The Event, getting ready for events in general, and the glaring lack of perseverance in my general character.
I was planning to title this post “Fits and Spurts” and I got to wondering where that expression came from. If you google “fits and spurts” what you get is a whole list of blog posts from people who went to the same school of mixed metaphors and twisted idioms that I evidently attended. The proper expression being “fits and starts,” the first recorded use of the phrase found in Robert Sanderson’s Sermons, 1681. At the time, fit was used more as a sudden burst of activity more than as a spasm of activity, but either sense works in the expression. One would think that “fits and stops” might make even more sense, or at least “starts and fits,” but who am I to correct 330 years of usage. And if I think about it even more,… spurt, sputter, stop, start….nevermind, too much thinking – fits and starts it is.
Getting ready for The Event is definitely being done in fits and starts. I’ll get on a roll, make some phone calls, make some lists, tick some things off said lists, talk with d#1, clean a little, a n d t h e n I j u s t c a n ‘ t s e e m t o g e t a n y t h i n g a c c o m p l i s h e d . Really, I feel like I’m just slogging thru wet cement. I think I’m staying on top of the stuff that truly MUST be done, but there’s a lot that, come next week, will suddenly feel like it truly SHOULD’VE been done already. I need a little electric prod to jolt me back into action. Actually, I need a mother or a wife to nag me. Yup, that would definitely help.
Why is it so hard to keep going? I keep thinking about the way I (rarely) swim laps. I dive into the pool and feel so graceful stroking thru the water…for maybe one length of the pool. Then I’m gasping for breath, flailing my arms, and abandoning any rhythm to my kicks. Granted, that’s because I’m out of shape and not a very good swimmer, but still – it felt SO good for a moment. That’s how my life feels when I start to get busy. I feel so competent and accomplished for….not very long. And then I feel like I’m gasping and will struggle all the way to the end. But instead of being able to kick it into high gear, I wander over to the computer, or find a book, or, worst of all, I just start pacing around accomplishing nothing. So if you see me pacing, just land a swift kick on my backside, OK?
Trust me, I know this wedding is all about the d#1 and the fsil, but still….it’s my party, too, and I am also excited to be sharing this day with MY friends. My local friends continue to give me much-needed advice and grief and my out-of-town friends are checking in via phone and email and sharing in my excitement and trepidation. D#1 claims (and the fsil confirms) that her own stress level is rising, but she vows that when she hits Houston on Wednesday she’ll abandon the stress and just enjoy the moment(s). I’m feeling the same way and I hope we will all be into the que sera, sera stage by then.
So, it’s one more week of fits and starts. Starting now.