The idea for this post has been mulling around in my brain for some time now. The purpose of letting an idea mull around is that it is supposed to coalesce into a coherent thought that I can put down on paper in writing. This idea though, it just keeps growing and feeding off of things I see and hear. So consider this to be just the tip of the iceberg. Maybe the ideas in it will start growing in your consciousness, too, which can only be a good thing.
Parents always have hopes and dreams for their children, which of course morph into new hopes and dreams as life goes on. So now that my daughters are women, what are my hopes and dreams for them?
- There’s the old stand-by, “Do I want them to have a better life than I have?” My life is pretty sweet, so that doesn’t feel right.
- Do I want them to go down the same paths that I did? No, obviously, I want them to choose the life that they want to live.
- Do I want them to be healthy and happy? Well, of course, but I want world peace, too, and sometimes life just comes at you and you have to deal with it. So I want them to be strong enough to deal with all the unhealthiness and unhappiness that will be there and to come out the other side of it as better women in some way.
As a middle-aged mother with grown daughters, I don’t want to live my life vicariously thru them, I don’t want to project what might make me happy into their life choices. But I’m a mother, dammit, and it is in all mother’s DNA to have hopes and dreams for their daughters. It is unacceptable to just give in and say, “well, parenting is over.”
I found my answer this week when Austin Kleon’s newsletter had a link to this story. Go ahead and read it.
Even though I am a woman, I still sometimes wonder how women get themselves into “situations.” I need to remind myself that we are STILL fighting for equal-pay-for-equal-work. I need to check myself when I am critical of Hillary Clinton being such a politician and remember that she is a woman and therefore must be twice as good at the political game as a man in order to succeed.
So, yeah, I hope that my daughters have a f***off fund and, quite frankly, a f***off attitude. Because dreaming is not, and has never been, good enough.
Thoughts from the back 
What a great story – glad I stopped to read it today.
Thanks for making time to check in on my blog!
Wow Nancy! The gloves just came off as they say….. “Aunt Jeanie” always told us that we needed to be educated and have a profession so that we could take care of ourselves if needed. That was her kind of F-off fund. We followed her advice! For instructions on how to tell guys to F-off for any reason (funds or no funds), contact Caroline (my offspring). She did not learn this from me….I’m learning watching her 🤓 Beautiful!
I may have bailed on a paying career, but I never bailed on my attitude. And give yourself some credit. ALL of our daughters have learned how to hold their own from their mothers. What a set of second cousins they are!
Yes!! I am sending this to Bita and Mattie right away. So far, I have been their f*** off fund and they definitely have the right attitude, but they need to build up their own funds. I love reading your blogs, sister.
Love. Carol On Feb 8, 2016 8:31 PM, “Thoughts from the back” wrote:
> Nancy posted: “The idea for this post has been mulling around in my brain > for some time now. The purpose of letting an idea mull around is that it is > supposed to coalesce into a coherent thought that I can put down on paper > in writing. This idea though, it just keeps gr” >
I can’t decide if it’s a good or bad thing that this article resonantes with all of us Decker cousins.
This was great and I, too, sent it to my daughters. They are both very fiscally responsible, but it’s a good reminder for all of us. So many women feel trapped in bad situations because they are not financially empowered. So sad. Thanks for sharing.